And whatever they say it will take, within reason, is what the offender must be willing to commit to providing unconditionally. Am I ready to truly forgive and move forward? Why should the serial cheater be forgiven or provided a third, fourth or fifth chance? Hostility kills kindness and caring. Or were they unconsciously attracted to certain types of men? Trust has been broken. This is not about blaming the victim. Betrayal of trust in a committed relationship can be considered an evil deed.
But if you come to the Vision Phase and decide to keep your recovering cheater around for a while, you will both need to sit down and talk about what it means to start fresh. We gossip about it over lunch with our girlfriends. Trust is the glue that holds a relationship together. Nor advice about how they should deal with them. Trust has been broken. And did so, presumably, not entirely impulsively, but after some protracted period of dating and getting to know the type of person they are. Men whom they thought could be changed by merely loving them? If perfect relationships were the norm, Taylor Swift would not be selling out arenas. Or keep the family together for the sake of finances or the children? This is not about blaming the victim. Another is the inability to trust the betrayer, who has typically connived, lied, manipulated, covered up and otherwise deceived and made a fool of his or her partner. How long was the affair? Love can definitely be blind. Getting back in the dreaded "dating game"? Defensive walls go up. Often such red flags are blatantly obvious to everyone but ourselves. Or lack of integrity? Sold a bill of goods? And then use all your strength to try to let those other details go. But in others, the partners, when willing and motivated, can sometimes work through this trauma together and salvage their marriage. Clearly, such selfish and immature individuals are not good candidates for committed, monogamous relationship. No indications of narcissism? Remember the Greek youth Narcissus, who was so riveted by his own reflection in a pond that he rejected Echo's love and eventually withered away from lack of sustenance. Expect to relapse back into the crisis phase if a hot girl walks by and he sneaks a peak and try to forgive this lapse in judgement…really!? This can become a kind of co-dependency, unintentionally enabling and perpetuating the problem. And both damage whatever level of trust had been built up to that point in the relationship. About who we really are, and about how we really feel about ourselves?
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